Please stop reading if you only follow this blog for my unbelievably witty banter. This could get mushy.
I started writing not because I wanted to talk about my wedding all of the time, or because I wanted attention (I have four parents and eight bridesmaids. I get PLENTY of attention)…I did it because I felt far away from the people I cared about most, and creating a place where I could share things that I was thinking about, or song options, or center piece ideas- whatever- made me feel closer to the people I miss.
It’s really easy to get caught up in the industry of wedding planning- we all know how much I love merch. In between all of the silly things (matching the lace on your dress to the detail on the cake), it’s very easy to lose sight of what you are doing: joining two families, creating a home, making a life. When I consider all of the various wedding themes and color schemes, it all seems a bit false when I’m thinking of the big picture. Nor do I think comparing shades of pink is a good use of my time. Shopping on West Elm at 2 a.m. is, however, an excellent use of my time.
I do want the day to have a cohesive thread that links it all together. I do not think that needs to be 1920’s Gangster NYC or hot pink & navy blue. I think it can be a sentiment, a word, a feeling. When my maid of honor’s mom came to our engagement party, she said that it was an old Jewish tradition for the community to prepare a couple for marriage by breaking bread. Everyone in the village would join in wishing the couple well, giving them advice, hugging and kissing and helping to get them get started. Ours was in the backyard of a Mexican restaurant on the UWS, but it truly did feel like our village was coming together to help us begin our union. We’re blessed to celebrate again in Miami this weekend.
Thinking about all of that, and how grateful we are to have our families’ supporting us during this time, I was thinking that our word, our feeling, should be community. It’s not just our day- it is our families’ day as well.
I don’t want a freaking monogram of our names on all of the wedding stuff. I do not want bows tied on the chairs that match my bridesmaids’ dresses.
I want the image of a gardenia, the symbol for love and purity, on our invitations, programs, tables, and bouquets. Gardenias are CJ’s mom’s favorite flower and grew outside my sister’s bedroom window when I was growing up. My grandmother used to snip three or four and place them in shallow vases throughout our house. Their smell reminds me of family, community.
And that’s all I want our wedding to be about.
Sorry for the mush.