Grandma

My sisters and I have picked up on a VERY annoying and incredibly offensive habit my grandmother has adopted. Since Miami truly is a melting pot of many different cultures, my grandmother has embraced this quality by mimicking the accent of each person she encounters.

So, this morning, at the French hair salon: “Ooooh! Zu hairrr lewks sooo priiiity!”

You can understand how problematic this has become.

She also assumes that EVERYONE in Miami speaks Spanish as a first language, which is not true. We went to Starbucks this afternoon and the barista asked her what she would like.

“Ay, I would por favor un CAPPUCINNO de coffee. Por favor please.”

She also thinks that everyone is deaf if they do not speak English. So then she shouts:

“AY, I WOULD ALSO POR FAVOR ALSO WANT UN CAKE. DIS CAKE. POR FAVOR. THANK YOU. DIS CAKE.”

Then she asks me which cake I want.
We talk about food allergies.
How they are lasting. How if I had food allergies at breakfast this morning, I still have food allergies this afternoon. And the food allergies I had last year, and for the past ten years, are the same I have today. It is not similar to the flu. 

 Also. I am STILL not allergic to peanuts, so I can have peanuts. Still. She thinks I am deathly allergic to peanuts but still gives me plain pasta to trick me.

Into anaphalactic shock.

While driving, she puts a small piece of her pound cake in my lap so I can have some. Because maybe I changed my mind.

Thank you.

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