mothers of the people getting married

This is a toughy.

I have compiled a few cardinal rules after perusing hundreds of wedding pictures. As my family now asks, “Do you know these people, Dani? Or are these just random people you have found on the internet at 2 a.m.?” Well. FRIENDS.

I can confirm that this list is a reflection of both weddings I have seen first hand and have stalked on others’ blogs and Facebook albums. At varying hours of the day.

The first and most important rule in mothers of the people getting married handbook is

  • THOU SHALT NOT WEAR A WEDDING DRESS.

Please and THANK YOU.

  • THOU SHALT NOT WEAR A BRIDESMAIDS DRESS.

That is also weird.

  • THOU SHALT NOT WEAR RUST.

Because I just don’t care- it’s an ugly color. Stop wearing it, stop putting it on cars, stop upholstering your couches, just      stop. And do not tell me it’s a beautiful shade of rust. It’s RUST. AS IN DECAYING METAL. There is no such thing as a beautiful and sophisticated decaying metal.

  • THOU SHALT OBSERVE THE TONE OF THE WEDDING.

I’m going to seriously ask you not to wear a ballgown to a garden party. Please. If the bridesmaids are wearing knee length, you don’t gotta go for the train. I promise.

  • THOU SHALT FEEL BEAUTIFUL

Because this is a huge, important day for you as well. When I think about those three ladies on our wedding day, I hope they feel beautiful, glamorous, and beaming with pride. Because they got us here! And we don’t still sleep in their beds because we are afraid of the kidnappers! And we pay our electric bills all by ourselves! Sometimes even by the due date!

And most importantly, I believe this 100%…

  • THOU SHALT FEEL COMFORTABLE

Because at the end of the day, we really just want you to be happy. And not yell at us for making you wear something that makes you self-conscious or inappropriate. Believe me, we know the options are SLIM. We know most of the choices are BEDAZZLED. We know that everyone wants you to wear something with a rust colored rhinestone SHRUG. But we are going to get through this, and we are going to do it with lovely materials that shape and flatter and look phenomenal on you and highlight your waist in a way that everyone will say “Oh my gosh, did that woman really give birth? I don’t believe it. Lies! Blasphemy!”

PROMISE.

When in doubt, I look towards our hero, Susan Sarandon. The Mothers of People Getting Married Patron Saint.

We’re complimenting, we are accenting, we feel beautiful, we are wearing a rich shade that highlights our skin tone…

Thank you for sharing your gift, Suse.

xoxo

DvG

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