so you want to start running.

Good luck, buddy.

Good LUCK.

I am a natural at many, many things. I am a speed reader, for example. I read Lean In in under two hours. I’m also very good at sewing by hand. Natural at THAT. Excellent at cleaning bathrooms. Very good with Excel.

I am not, however, a natural athlete.

I am an anti-athlete. I am the worst athlete on the planet. I have no motivation. My legs do not move quickly. I get hot. I make excuses. I DESPISE running.

Did you hear me, universe? I HATE RUNNING.

Why do I keep running?

1. Because apparently, it’s better to run than walk.

2. It (BEGRUDGINGLY) clears my head.

3. I’ve been at it for five weeks, and I feel stronger. Three times a week for five weeks and I really do feel stronger.

4. I really like my new running clothes. Hey, you asked. That’s my motivation.

5. Because this is what I look like in my head when I run.

1b8f6ba2903edff656f99361a193e32fThis is what I actually look like.

photo-48

Guys. Check out my shoes.

I am the world’s slowest runner.

I run for fifteen minutes three times a week.

The best part is: that makes me a runner.

If you run, at all, you get to call yourself a runner. You get to smile to the other runners and complain about your shin splints. Actually, let’s just be clear, I’ve seen some STUFF in the past two weeks and if anybody ever complains about shin splits or splinters or, like, mono, ever again I will RUN over and smack you (see what I did there? With the running?).

So I will continue to run.

And I will continue to update you. Come rain or shine or heat exhaustion.

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