So, needless to say, Chris and I do not have GREAT LUCK with couches.
Last night, we purchased a beautiful Pottery Barn couch for Chris’ office. Gosh – she is a beaut. Big cushions, oatmeal linen. Just the kind of girl you’d like to have around.
Because Chris now has a pickup truck, WHY NOT cart her home with her tush hangin’ out the back? WHY NOT I say!
We get home and have a long discussion about strength training and “1, 2, 3” steps and being really strong and not pulling our back out. Can I really do this? YES OF COURSE I CAN. Are you sure? YES STOP BABYING ME OF COURSE I CAN HELP CARRY THIS GOD DAMN SOFA. I confirm, for the fifth time, that I am up for the challenge and start to move the couch with Chris.
Now, by start, I mean I make it one step and ask to take a break. So now the couch is very conveniently sitting on our front lawn.
There’s a moment, and the moment that you discover that you cannot lift your new sofa but your new sofa cannot spend the night outside – that is the moment that you want to crawl in a tiny little hole (maybe you want to crawl on your couch?) and cry because you have a couch on your lawn and your dogs are going CRAZY and, oh look, it’s 8:30 p.m. and nobody in this house has eaten dinner.
So Chris concocts this plan in which we will put the couch on deconstructed boxes (that he just happens to have on hand? for real) and then he will pull it up the steps using the boxes for traction. I’m like, “Whatever you weirdo”, and dutifully lay down the boxes as instructed, then re-lay out the boxes because I laid them incorrectly (C- overall for my efforts in this project). Just as he planned, it was onesie twosie and the couch was up the stone steps. Halfway through the front door and not anywhere closer to being in the office.
We realize now, in THIS special moment, that the couch needs to go up the stairs and then make a left turn so it can be horizontal. You feel me? Up the stairs then over the banister.
OVER THE BANISTER.
LET ME REPEAT.
189 POUND SOFA OVER THE BANISTER.
So, this is where the couch is right now…
And just so we are crystal clear: we have to carry the dogs over the couch to get upstairs. Which means one of us goes up the stairs, the other hands them a puppy, and then another puppy, and then we can proceed with our evening. It’s like boarding the lifeboats on the Titanic. JUST. LIKE. THAT.
This afternoon, Chris said the most loving words he has ever said to me in twelve years together:
“I got you a step stool so you can better hop over the couch.”
PS Movers come tomorrow to fix this right on up. Don’t you worry! We won’t have a sofa on our staircase forever.